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'EQ & Self-Regulation' from Your Talent@Work with Shawn Kent Hayashi

EQ & Self-Regulation

Posted: Feb 8, 2011

For the month of February we are exploring how our emotional intelligence impacts our conversations. Self-Regulation is the second part of having high emotional intelligence.

But first if you did not see last weeks tip: I'm inviting you to do an EQ check up with me.  My Valentines gift to you is a complementary EQ assessment that will show you how you are doing in Self Awareness, Self Regulation, Motivation, Empathy, and Social Skills. Click here to complete the assessment.  You will receive your report in email as soon as you complete the questions.

Last week we focused on Self Awareness and you have been asking yourself, "What am I feeling now?" to raise your awareness about which of the 7 core emotions you are marinating in at the moment.

This week we want to explore Self Regulation.  Our ability to use the emotion we are feeling wisely rather than experience an emotional hijack is our Self Regulation.  For example, when we notice that the current feeling is anger, we are using strong self-regulation muscles when we then ask, "What crossed my boundaries and triggered this anger? Who do I need to talk with to clean up the boundary issues? What do I really want instead and how can I make the request for what I want next time?"  By answering these questions we use the feeling of anger to inform our communication in a positive way. We self regulate to create a better outcome rather than expressing the anger by kicking-the-dog or coming out sideways at someone else in an aggressive or passive aggressive manner.

It takes focus to build our self-regulation abilities. If you have a low self-regulation score I suggest you focus on building this muscle over the next 90 days. Your report will give you specific ideas to grow your self-regulation ability based on your own score.

If you have a communication challenge or question you'd like me to address, please email me!

And thank you! for all the questions and ideas you have been sharing since we began the Communications Tips series.


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